Another day, another sucktastic America’s Got Talent to recap…
10 more acts perform for a spot in the Top 20. But first, it’s last week’s eliminations. Five acts from last week will move on to the next round.
Last Wednesday’s contestants take the stage. After the obligatory re-cap, host Jerry Springer calls Paul Salos and Slippery Kittens to center stage. Paul Salos advances to the next round. Slippery Kittens are eliminated. Jonathon Arons and the Wright Kids take the stage. The Wright Kids advance to the next round. Jonathon Arons is eliminated. Daniel Jens and George the Giant take the stage. Daniel Jens advances to the next round. George the Giant is eliminated. Kasual and Queen Emily take the stage. Queen Emily advances to the next round. Kasual is eliminated.
More Re-cap and VIDEO after the JUMP…
The 5th act is chosen by the Judges. Beyond Belief Dance Company and the Zooperstars are left. The dance company are pretty mediocre. The Zooperstars, a motley crew of sports mascots is absolutely idioctic. For that reason, I want them to advance. But, I’ll bet the judges ditch the Zooperstars. The mob will not rule. Damn. Piers chooses the dance company. But, OMG Sharon picks the Zooperstars! Yay! The Hoff vascillates for a bit, but he eventually goes with the Zooperstars. Those dancers must feel like crap losing to a bunch of giant puppets.
Advancing to the Top 20: Paul Salos, The Wright Kids, Daniel Jens and the Zooperstars.
The Texas State Strutters – Friday Night football comes to TV! And it’s every bit as corny, cheesy and boring as one might imagine. Please send these girls back to the pageant circuit and get them off my Tee Vee. NOW. As Piers delivers his withering critique, the gals manage to keep big plastic smiles plastered on their faces. Sharon calls it amateur and fesses up to be the judge that kept buzzing them during their performance. Hoff calls it “squirrely” and not together, and then admits that he thought the Beyond Belief Dance Company were better. Actually, they both sucked. The head strutter, still with the big smile, says “We did our best and had the time of our lives!”
Michael Strelo-Smith – Another overweight Opera singer. Except, unlike Neal E. Boyd, he’s not one of the chosen ones, cause his performance is second, rather than last. Like most of the singers in this competition, he’s mediocre. But he’s even more amateur than the others. Holy cow, that high note at the end was HORRIBLE. Yikes. The poor guy gave up his day job as a music teacher. I hope he can find another soon. He sucked so bad, he got buzzed. Piers pretty much hated everything about the performance, and called it karaoke. Michael talks back to Piers, all indignant. “You can’t see what’s inside of me!” Michael whines. Sharon says his performance screamed “music teacher.” Hoff says he likes that he never gives up, and that he did a damn good job. “You showed your students the way to go–follow your dreams.” Terrible performance + mouthing off to the judges = Bye bye Michael.
Bruce Block – I love these contestants who talk so seriously about giving up their entire lives for acts that are…ridiculous. This guy is supposed to be a magician. Tonight, he’s got midgets on stage with him, and a miniature horse. The act goes on and on and on with no payoff whatsoever. I have no idea what the hell that was. Piers tells him he tried the oldest trick in the book, and that he blew it spectacularly. Hoff says he was confused. When Hoff is confused, you know that’s bad.
Shequida – Chiquita is a drag queen. She sings “I Will Survive” in an operatic voice. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s sort of interesting, but it’s not very good. The high notes were ear-splitting. Ouchie. Piers points out that he’s sounded better in the past. Sharon calls the song “very very high.” Hoff calls him a one man/one woman party. Shequida should have stuck to singing both male and female parts like he did during his audition. But at least, this is better than some cross dresser lip syncing to a pop record.
The Taubl Family – The old fashioned family band sang “Sound of Music” for their audition. They try to update the act by singing “Umbrella”. It’s woefully, painfully, terribly, out of tune. If they were better singers, they might have pulled it off. But as it is. Uhm. NO. Piers says the entire family act works. He calls it terrific. Sharon loves it too. OK! Hoff likes their old-fashioned sound, but thinks the musical update gives them the edge.
Jonathan Burkin – I remember this kid from the auditions. His back story is that his love of baton twirling made him the target of bullies back home. And he’s actually really, really good, twirling and juggling several fire tipped batons at once. He’s an act I actually find myself rooting for. “Incredible, ” Piers calls it and compares him to last year’s winner Terry Fator. Sharon calls it “Amazing.” Hoff thinks he’s the best baton twirler in the world. As if Hoff has seen other baton twirlers to compare.
Sarah Lenore – Ok, another blonde singer. Now I’m confused. There was one last week, and I think I have them mixed up. This one actually has a great relationship with her Dad. She sings “I’m Not Ready to Play Nice” by the Dixie Chicks and she calls it “risky”. What, she’s afraid of pissing off her Republican base? She’s more confident than last week’s blond chick, and hotter, so she’ll probably eventually prevail. She’s got a decent, big voice. Piers says she started off a little shaky then finished well. Sharon tells her to be careful not to shout the high notes. Hoff says he bets she’ll be in the Top 10.
SickStep – This Hip Hop Crew is OK, not So You Think You Can Dance good, but decent enough. That’s the trouble with this show. The talent level is usually only just decent. Piers says they did a “damn good job” tonight and that they proved they are more than just street entertainers. Sharon says they owned the stage. “You guys are SICK!” Hoff says, “Next time, bring more ATTITUDE!” And that Hoff surely knows all about street attitude. Hoff isn’t only down with the baton twirlers, y’all.
Matthew Piazzi – Are there really old-fashioned stand up impersonators playing Vegas? No matter. He’s terrible. He’s playing “Great Balls of Fire” as different characters, and it comes off like a psych patient entertaining his fellow patients in the ward. It’s a mess. Piers says, “You blew it big time…the moment you went to the piano, the audience went dead.” Piers compliments Matthew on his voices. You mean the ones in his head, Piers? Sharon says he has to work on his “writing.” Hoff says, “I don’t know what show they’ve been watching, I think you were great!” Hoff no doubt relates to that whole multiple personality thing.
Joseph Hall – I can’t believe this guy is last. He’s an Elvis impersonator. Outside of the Elvis deal, he’s a really cute guy. But his Elvis impersonating stinks. Tonight, he’s got the whole “Jailhouse Rock” setup. He’s cute as can be, but really–the Elvis impersonator who marries people at the Little White Chapel is better. The guys in the audience are booing him. I’m sure a producer instigated that. Piers thinks the singing was wobbly and that he looked nervous tonight. Sharon mentions that it’s hard to dance and sing at the same time. She adds, “You’ve lost that bit of naughtiness, bring it back…please be dirty for me.” OK, Sharon! Hoff commiserates with the dancing and singing thing. Because, along with being down with baton twirlers and urban street crews, he’s Mr. Broadway!
