The never-ending auditions continue. Can I just say I hate this show? With a couple of exceptions, the talent isn’t all that, and I detest the mawkish backstories. It’s the highest rated show of the summer. What do I know?
We’re back in Atlanta tonight.
Michelle Wallace - Says she’s a singer, but she can barely talk. And, she’s sporting some pretty heinous eye shadow. She orders everyone to stand up. The audience stays glued to their seats. She manages to warble, horribly, only 3 words of the tune “All By Myself” before the buzzer goes off. I wonder how much Eric Carmen is getting paid for this? He better be getting battle pay. It’s naturally, a no. - VIDEO
More recap and video…After the Jump…
Bruce Block - His assistant quit right before he auditioned last year. He’s back and better prepared. For what, it’s hard to tell. Oh, he lays on a bed of nails. Now, that’s talent. His assistant sings, tap dances, and twirls batons–badly–then stands on him as he’s splayed out on a giant bed of nails. What a stupid act. Hoff doesn’t believe the nails are sharp and offers to stand on Bruce himself. After Hoff tests him, he’s convinced the act is real. Hoff thinks it’s fantastic! Piers thinks it sucks. Sharon must feel pity, she sides with Hoff, and Bruce is on his way to Las Vegas. - VIDEO
Oh, I smell a crossdresser coming!
Dorae Saunders - And I’m correct! I might be mistaken, but I think Dorae has a dead animal on her head. Somebody should tell her! She lip syncs spastically to “Proud Mary”. My cousin used to do an act in the gay bars back in my hometown that was tons better than this. Hoff says it’s entertaining. Jeebus, I hate to say it, but Hoff must be drunk tonight, and Sharon has joined him at the bar. Piers says no. Sharon says yes. Dorea looks suggestively at Hoff. I think he may be turned on! As well as drunk. He says yes. Keep him away from the hamburgers. Dorea, the second rate impersonator, is on to Las Vegas. - VIDEO
Ok, now I’m looking at a bunch of dancing cartoon characters, and I’m really confused. - VIDEO
Dallas Desperados - 18-26 - They dance. With pom poms. It’s like the High School dance team, except not. Hoff and Piers will say yes without hesitation, I’m sure. Oh, nice close up of that dancers ass! Way to go. Hoff says he’s moving to Dallas. Piers loves it. Sharon says they look amazing and have great energy. Everyone says yes. - VIDEO
Xclusive - 18 - Robot Hip Hop. Ya’all. It’s weird, but kinda clever. The judges agree, and he’s on to Vegas. - VIDEO
Barry Collier - Barnyard animal noises are his specialty. The crowd goes WILD at this announcement! But then turn on him quickly when they realize his animal noises are pretty lame. It’s a no, for Barry. - VIDEO
This week’s shamelessly sentimental sob story…coming after the break! I can hardly wait.
Donald Graswell - Donald’s singing career was tragically cut short in a “freak” car accident 11 years ago. After years of therapy, David has his speaking voice back, but will he ever sing again? OMG! Jerry Springer explains that the studio audience has been ornery all day. How will they react to Donald? He begins to sing “You Raise Me Up”. Hey, not bad for a guy with severed vocal chords! He’s got a very pleasant Irish tenor But the crowd is having none of it! The song gains momentum, and Donald goes for the Big! Key! Change! He hits the note, and the crowd turns around! They are on his side! Donald tears up! The crowd is cheering! And…I can’t believe what a huge load of donkey poop this is. I mean seriously, who out there doesn’t see the set up, like, coming down freaking 5th avenue? I really really hate this show. The judges fall all over themselves praising Donald’s average vocals. Jerry gives him a big hug, and the last shot is of Donald telling his kids he’s made it to Vegas. Bah. Humbug. - VIDEO
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Oh you can say you hate this show, I sure dont see how it is so highly rated! Watching Hoff for one thing is painful to see. I get embarrassed for him. He is like an overgrown child with a face full of amazement at the worst possible act. Stupid acts - I flipped it on a few times but have not in some time now
I witnessed a woman with ginormous breast implants crushing things on The Soup last week and I also saw the puppet guy (winner?) from last year when Simon was on Oprah and, thankfully. that represents the totality of my experience with this show.
I just want to see Eli again. Does anyone have any effin’ clue when this show goes to effin’ Las Vegas? I have spent more time than I care to admit, trying to find some inkling, SOMEWHERE, of when that lofty event might occur. Oy!!!
Don’t know who is behind the talent this year. but tonight bit it.
We want Eli, and SOON!!!!!
This is seriously the most embarrassing and insulting show. I can’t bare to watch it. Thank you, MJ, for your service. {} You deserve a medal for sticking with this. It is horrible. Absolutely horrible. And the worst part is that fake and phony Roman Coliseum audience that is instructed to scream and roar like zombies on command. I can’t take it.
Between this show and NASHVILLE STAR, NBC deserves a big ol’ clonk on the head for producing some of the most ugly and juvenile and fake and fraudulent television in recent memory.
And if that idiotic Jerry Springer doesn’t stop mumbling his inanities side stage… clasping his hands as if in prayer… as if he gives a hoot… and those fake reactions from Hoff, Piers and Sharon. Come on, NBC. How do you sleep at night knowing the vile trash you are throwing into the homes of American viewers?
Any of the videos worth seeing? Somebody please decide for me. I can’t be bothered.
gingerly,
I’d say watch:
The dancing cartoon characters: Stoopid, but strangely amusing.
Xclusive: not as good as “quitter guy” on SYTYCD, but still entertaining and clever.
Donald Graswell: I thought he had a good voice.
Skip the rest.
Seriously! I just want him to SHUT UP! He just annoys me to no end. Everytime he’s on camera I just scream at the tv! And don’t even get me started on the rude and obnoxious audience.
Was this really only episode 5? It certainly feels more like 15. Enough with the audition shows already. I seem to remember one or two talents in the early shows but I have no idea who they are anymore. And…. according to tivo - next week is yet another audition show. I watched last year, and it didn’t seem to go on this long. I may have to call it quits on this show.
Thanks, kerfuffle!
I looked at Wikpedia and there were only 4 audition episodes last year .
I am starting to get more than tired of them .
I looked at the Futon critic and it seems that sometime in August the get moved aside for the Olympics .
The dragging out and then being shelved for the Olympics can not be a good thing .I barely remember anyone from those early auditions save Eli .
Plus its getting really boring
Indeed, America got talents or talented talents? lol Well, even kids often show their talents in the net. Like the hardcore hilarious videos of young kids acting plan old funny in Kids Ain’t they sweet? Actually the question is “Which one would you like to see on American Idol”?