Dancing With The Stars – Premiere – The Top 13 Perform – VIDEO

ETA: Brooke Burke and Derek Hough had the highest score of the night, and I take back what I said about the heavy lifting. Compared to the other women, she executed the most complicated steps and did them well. Toni Braxton was also really good. Some other favs: Lance Bass and Misty May-Treanor. And can I say that Alec Mazo is HOT. There. I said it! I’m not down with the karaoke versions of popular songs. ABC, you have a hit show, why so cheap? Jeffrey Ross, the comediene, will probably be eliminated tomorrow. What do you guys think? BTW, deadline to sign up for the DWTS pool is 9 pm ET tomorrow night.

I’m re-caping Dancing With The Stars as a first time watcher, so this should be interesting! Kids, watch out for questions I may have a few…

This is the biggest Dancing of the Stars Ever! Two dances the first week! Two Stars Eliminated! Whee!

Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris introduce the “Stars” of Season 7!

Video and Recap…after the JUMP…

Cody Linley and Julianne Hough – The Cha Cha – Cody is Jake Ryan on Hannah Montana. He’s the youngest contestant at 18. Cody can’t keep his mind off of Julianne’s HOTNESS. The dancing is energetic if not very smooth. Len Goodman says he came out full of confidence and high energy. Bruno tells Cody to focus on the feet. Carrie Ann sees incredible potential. They are doing the Quickstep tomorrow. EEP! The scores: Len – 6, Bruno – 6, Carrie Ann – 6 18. 1-800-868-3401

Rocco DiSpirito and Karina Smirnoff – The Foxtrot – Karina is injured, but she’s dancing anyway. Rocco swears he’s never danced before. Well, that could have been worse. He’s a bit of a clodhopper. At least he didn’t trip. Bruno thought it was a mess, and says he lost the timing part of the way through. Carrie Ann thought it was really cute. Len says he needs more finesse. Carrie Ann – 5 Bruno – 4 Len – 5 – 14. 1-800-868-3402

Toni Braxton and Alec Mazo – The Cha Cha Cha – Alec brags that he’s the first winner of DWTS. Toni is excited for about a minute, then launches into a big story about her medical woes with Alec. I’m impressed Toni’s got quite the fancy footwork! Carrie Ann thought it was fantastic and more like a week 5 routine. Len thought it was a good mix of basic and tough steps and gives her advice on her knees–keep them straight! Bruno calls her slinky, sultry and sexy. Carrie Ann – 7, Len – 7, Bruno – 8 – 22. Best score so far! 1-800-868-3403

Maurice Greene and Cheryl Burke – The Fox Trot – Maurice is mumbling, I can’t understand a word he’s saying. OMG, Maurice, you should be gliding across that dance floor not shuffling. Yikes. Len says there were parts that were wild, parts that were wacky, and parts that were wonderful. Bruno says he has a great presence on stage, but his footwork and posture were poor at times…he needs to work on that. Carrie Ann said the Foxtrot parts were stiff and slow. Carrie Ann – 6 Bruno – 6 Len – 6 – 18. 1-800-868-3404

Brooke Burke and Derek Hough – The Cha Cha Cha – Brooke Burke has had 4 kids? I missed something, somewhere. She tells Derek the kids are part of the package. Something tells me Derek is unfazed. He tells Brooke she’s got “hyper-extended legs” that will make her lines look beautiful. Is it just me, or did it seem like Brooke didn’t have much heavy lifting there? Carrie Ann says her body is designed to dance, great energy, great strength. Bruno says “What a debut.” Len says, “Best dance so far.” Carrie Ann – 7, Len – 8, Bruno – 8 – 23. 1-800-868-3405.

Ted McGinley and Inna Brayer – The Foxtrot – Ted feels all macho and above the “dancing” thing. A paycheck is a paycheck I suppose. Inna is the “new girl in town.” The fake version of “God Only Knows” is totally distracting me. Is this show so cheap they won’t pay for the original versions of songs? Uhm. The dancing wasn’t bad. Bruno says he turned from Cary Grant into Steve Carell. Len says it was suave and his footwork was good. Carrie Ann says he has to overcome his fears, he’s got great potential, great lines. – Carrie Ann 6, Len – 6, Bruno, 6 – 18. – 1-800-868-3406.

Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer – The Cha Cha Cha – Lance says he was the worst dancer in *NSYNC. Lacey, is a new pro this year, fresh from last year’s So You Think You Can Dance. Lance is full of sh*t about the “can’t dance” thing. That was pretty entertaining. Len says what you did, you did well. He didn’t like the “hodge podge” of movement. Carrie Ann says “it was hot hot hot…fantastic.” “That was edgy, spunky…fabulous, you should be proud…a cha cha cha for now,” says Bruno. Carrie Ann – 8, Len – 6, Bruno – 8 – 22 – 1-800-868-3407.

Cloris Leachman and Corky Ballas – The Foxtrot – Cloris is like, really old. Corky, her partner, is the father of the current winner of DWTS. Cloris isn’t required to move much. Which is a good thing. She’s 82 years old, and she’s creaky. But she sure is funny! She gets the big standing 0. Once she’s finished dancing, she gets the big standing O, and then Cloris turns on the charm. She’s on. She lifts her leg onto the judges table. Bruno babbles on about something, and then kisses it. Len says, “You dance well for your age…Corky.” Ha ha. And then, “I thought you acted that dance beautifully. Mind your cleavage.” Lots of joking around, no serious judging here. Carrie Ann asks her to sit down, and Cloris sits on her lap. Carrie Ann laughs and says, “I admire you for everything you’ve done.” Cloris may last a few weeks into the competition for curiosity sake. Carrie Ann – 6, Bruno – 5, Len – 5 – 16 – 1-800-868-3408.

Jeffrey Ross and Edyta Sliwinska – The Cha Cha Cha – Jeff scratched his cornea earlier and is dancing anyway against doctors advice. Just by the pre-package, he looks like a trainwreck. And judging by his dancing, he’s going to be the first one voted off. He’s ridiculous…not even taking it seriously. I don’t think the audience will find him very funny. Carrie Ann says, “The flirting was good.” Bruno calls him ungainly and says nothing else really worked. Len says everyone that comes onto DWTS is a winner. Jeffrey is obvious cannon fodder, a little comic relief. He’s here to be voted off first. Carrie Ann – 4, Len – 4, Bruno – 4 – 12. 1-800-868-3409.

Kim Kardashian and Mark Ballas – The Foxtrot – Mark is this year’s champion. Kim is…uhm….famous for being a fame whore. After Jeffrey Ross is eliminated, I hope she’s next. She just bugs. Again, not a whole lotta heavy lifting, here. At least Brooke had a few fancy spins. Len says, “it was a bit cold, there was no chemistry between you.” Bruno says she has a very dusky beauty, but she must make it more available. I’m sure Kim can work on that. Carrie Ann says “you move very well,” and then tells her she needs to move her head more and make more eye contact. Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 7, Bruno – 6 – 19 – 1-800-868-3410

Susan Lucci and Tony Dovolani – The Cha Cha Cha – Uhm Susan? Eat a sandwich or cover up, cause skin and bones are just nasty to look at. Yikes. Susan looks like she’s about to keel over from low blood sugar. She’s got the steps down, but she’s mincing around the stage like she’s going to break. Bruno says, “The Cha Cha Cha needs a slut.” That’s one way to put it. He continues, “You were very very careful…let yourself go.” “Carrie Ann says, “Your body is banging in the red outfit.” And then–Whoa, no she di’int! Carrie Ann tells Susan to gain some weight. Len says, “It was a bit too careful….come out and perform a little bit.” Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 5, Bruno – 5 – 15. 1-800-868-3411

Misty May-Treanor and Maksim Chmerkovskiy – The Foxtrot – So, Misty is a tad clumsy? She’s not as big a clod on the dance floor as she claims to be. She’s no Jeffrey Ross! Carrie Ann loves her intensity and advises that she not muscle everything. Len thought it was elegant. Bruno says, “You are truly glowing on the dance floor,” but that she needs to make sure her feet are in the right place. Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 8, Bruno – 7 – 21 – 1-800-868-3412

Warren Sapp and Kym Johnson – The Cha Cha Cha – His dancing is decent, but I’m not wowed, unlike the judges who love him. I will admit, he’s light on his feet for a big guy. Len says, “A great big bundle of joy.” Carrie Ann adds to Len’s Happy Happy Joy Joy critique. Bruno says, “Big boys can dance…you were so light on your feet.” Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Bruno 7 – 21 – 1-800-868-3413