Glee Season 3 Episode 6 – Mash-Off

UPDATE: RECAP!

Politics is a dirty business. And the good guys don’t always win. Do you corrupt yourself in the name of a higher good? Or walk away with your integrity intact. And is it ever OK to out someone? these are a few of the questions asked in tonight’s Glee.

The show begins with a bit of whimsey, as Puck, pining for his baby mama Shelby, is Hot For Teacher. Shot as an ode to the original Van Halen music video, the fantasy sequence morphs into a choir room performance, with Finn, Blaine and Mike on backups. Puck is the bad boy with a heart of gold. He’d love to nail the hottest teacher in school, but his motivations are really about his dreams of a family life with his little girl Beth.

Against her better judgement, Shelby allows Puck to come over to help. Puck blurts out Quinn’s plan to frame Shelby as an unfit mother. Is Puck trying to do the right thing, or suck up to Shelby? In any case, it’s a relationship that’s destined to end up a disaster.

Puck’s confession causes Shelby to cut off Quinn’s access to baby Beth. “Just because you take the nose ring out and dye your hair back to blond,” Shelby lectures the troubled Quinn, “Doesn’t mean you aren’t as lost as ever.” Beth’s birth mother, who had been trying to wheedle her way into the Troubletones, is devastated. “I hope you see this as a wakeup call,” warns Shelby. But something tells me Quinn still has a few more lessons to learn.

Sue Sylvester continues her campaign against congressional rival Burt Hummel in the only way she knows how–by running a smear campaign. Her spots–claiming Burt has a baboon heart and/0r is married to a donkey (Carol Hudson is NO donkey!)–are, sadly, pretty hilarious send-ups of what passes for political discourse these days.

When Sue’s campaign tactics begin to work, Burt–ever practical as we know from his awesome heart to heart talks with son Kurt–wants campaign manager, Will to think of something, like right now, before Sue wins the election and destroys the arts. What’s a principled person like Will to do? Kurt will be asking himself the same question in his quest for class president, as his opponents spread lies and make promises they can’t keep.

When Kurt calls Sue on her smear campaign (OMG his outfit. What the f*ck is that? An homage to Casablanca perhaps?) his naivete is both sweet, and a little hopeless. Sue makes the point that you have to have a cause and fight dirty to win. “Winning is mostly about flinging poo,” says Sue. Kurt concedes the first point, but wants nothing to do with the poo flinging when it comes to his own candidacy for class president. And at that point, you know he’s doomed to lose.

I’ve got to hand it to Will Shuester for not going all “Lima Heights” on Shelby when her all-girl Glee club essentially becomes a threat to New Directions. As it turns out, they WILL be facing each other at sectionals. In order to introduce a mash-off competition, Will and Shelby stage a duet of two crazy-different tunes–Gaga’s “You and I” and Eddie Rabbit’s “Just You And I” as a way to encourage the kids to keep it friendly as they compete. The plan works for a few minutes, as both Glee clubs listen, enthralled by the beautiful music their teachers make. But it doesn’t last long.

New Directions toss around ideas for a mash-up: The Clash (likes!), REM (LIKES!) The Spice Girls (Oh Kurt) are a few of the suggestions, but Finn thinks they should pick a group that has endured the ages. And he suggests…Hall and Oats? Here’s a bulletin Finn! Hall and Oats DID BREAK UP. They were pretty much NOT together through most of the 90’s and 00’s so… Well, I’m not going to nit-pick an opportunity for the Glee kids to dance around in fabulous 80’s outfits. Finn, who is a stand-up guy, suggests the new kid, Rory for the solo. When Rory balks, Blaine offers to help. Blaine and Finn give each other knowing looks. Ohhh. It looks like the future brothers-in-law are putting aside their differences for a greater good!

But do you know who ISN’T getting with the program? It’s that evil Santana, who has been super-cranky lately.

And can I say, just like “Asian F” belonged to Harry Shum Jr, “Mash-Off” was totally owned by the multi-talented Naya Rivera. I’ve been a fan of Naya’s for some time now. We know she can make her way around a one liner (At this point, Santana has supplanted Sue as queen of the soundbites) but she’s also riveting in her dramatic scenes. As awful as Santana is, you know her cruelty is coming from a deep well of hurt.

Santana has been especially vile to Finn. He tries to fight back with trash talk, but HEY. she’s from Lima Heights and was raised on insults! She was 5 years old before she knew her name wasn’t “garbage face”! So, what to do when you’ve been pwned in the trash talk game? Challenge your nemesis to…a dodge ball game? Oh Finn. That’s just a BRILLIANT idea. (NO)

Meanwhile, that ever ambitious and self-absorbed Rachel is busy busy busy getting her Nyada application ready. She just recently added “lead in the school musical” to her gleaming resume (and she assumes class president isn’t far behind). Now, all she needs is a couple of stellar recommendations. So she asks the woman who led her Glee club to 4 national championships in a row! Shelby was only too happy to sign the recommendation letter that Rachel prepared for her. You, know, it’s all that guilt over giving up Rachel for adoption….wait isn’t that a conflict of interest? Oh never mind. This is Glee. The result is an opportunity for mom and daughter to have another heart to heart. Shelby confesses that she’ll be a little jealous of Rachel when she takes NYC by storm, but also really really proud. Rachel asks Shelby if she’ll write a letter of recommendation in her own words. Sniff.

But then, Shelby reminds Rachel to be grateful for her accomplishments, including the possibility that she could become class president. “I feel sorry for the kids that don’t have these big ticket items in their CVs” says Shelby. *coughkurtcough*. A flicker of guilt passes over Rachel’s face. As well it should. When the kids warm up for the impending dodge ball game, Rachel tries to make small talk with Kurt, but he gives her the cold shoulder. “I really miss you Kurt,” says Rachel, “And I really want to be your friend again.” “Well,” sniffs Kurt, “maybe you should have thought about that before you walked all over me in your borderline sociopathic climb to the top.” Oops.

Finn quickly figures out that the dodge ball game was a terrible idea. Set to a mash-up of “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” and “One Way Or Another”, the Troubletones manage to kick New Directions’ asses both musically and figuratively. Nobody from New Directions is left standing at the end. Since Santana can’t help but add insult to injury–and the fact that she hates that little leprechaun who wants to move in on her Brittany–she and the girls pelt poor little Rory with dodge balls. Appalled, Kurt comes to his defense. “Maybe that’s how the others treat us around here, but we don’t do this to each other. We’re better than this.” And damn, if Kurt has finally found his cause…

Mercedes looks none too pleased. She pulls rank at the next Troubletones rehearsal, insisting that Santana lay off Finn and New Directions. Santana resists, but when even her love Brittany suggests she stop the violence, she agrees to concentrate on kicking some butt at sectionals. I love seeing Mercedes come into her own here. I was a little worried that the new boyfriend was pulling too many strings, but maybe all she needed was a nudge. Oh, she also comes up with the fab idea to sing Adele at the mash-off.

Santana tries to play nice, but she just can’t help herself. She meets up with Finn and Rory in the hallway and begins an apology that turns into a stream of invective that is both unspeakably mean and hilarious. When Rory tries to intervene, she says, “Please stick a sock in it, or ship yourself back to Scotland. I’m trying to apologize to lumps the clown.”

Finn is finally driven over the edge and pulls out the cruelest thing he can think of to say to her. It’s also utterly true. “Hey Santana,” says Finn as she smugly walks away, “Why don’t you just come out of the closet.” No he didn’t! Why…yes he did. “I think I know why you’re so good at tearing everybody else down. It’s because you’re constantly tearing yourself down…you can’t admit to everyone that you’re in love with Brittany and she might not love you back.” Oh STING. “You know what I think you are? A coward.”

Well that totally shut her up. But here’s the deal. While dishing out a badly needed reality check to the biggest bitch at school–who frankly, had those harsh words coming–Finn OUTED Santana in the middle of the McKinley hallways. You know, in between classes. With people walking around. Who heard what he said. Not cool.

The mash-off begins, with New Directions taking the stage first. The group’s “I Can’t Go For That/You Make My Dreams Come True” performance has half the boys dressed as Hall, and the other half as Oats, complete with fake mustaches. The girls do a Madonna circa 1984 deal. It’s loads of fun, and super nostalgic, but I wouldn’t bring that ditty to sectionals. Not if ND plans to win.

Class president candidates reveal their agendas in school debates. Brittany’s heartfelt platform includes outlawing tornadoes at McKinley. She also pledges to go topless on Tuesdays. The latter will probably win her the election. Hockey player, and bad mullet wearer, Rick the Stick has a confusing agenda that involves forcing teachers to take orders from students. There’s something in there about taxes. And other stuff.

Kurt, in a natty suit, proposes an anti-violence campaign that would outlaw volleyball–the font of all bullying at McKinley. Wait. I thought slushie throwing and locker shoving were the McKinley high bullies weapons of choice? Shouldn’t we start there? Nevertheless, Kurt has the most serious and well thought out platform of all the candidates, and clearly deserves to win.

His speech is so moving (Dad and Blaine sit in the bleachers cheering him on. Aw), Rachel has an epiphany and pulls out of the race, throwing all her votes to Kurt, who is a little suspicious. But the two eventually make up at Rachel’s locker, walking off into the proverbial sunset, arm in arm. And with that, I sigh with relief at the return of Hummelberry, whom I love. Fiercely. I really really REALLY hated the two of them fighting.

The show ends with Santana learning, in the presence of Sue, Will and Burt, that her conversation with Finn had been, unfortunately, overhead by the niece of another rival candidate who uses the intel in a smear campaign of his own. The candidate creates a spot that not only outs Santana, but intimates that Sue may be a lesbian as well.

The dirty tricks have boomeranged back onto Sue. But unfortunately, the ugly events she put into motion have also taken down Santana, who is devastated. Burt’s offer to talk to her parents, and Will’s suggestion of counseling does not console the newly outed head cheerio, who runs out of the room crying. It’s heartbreaking. Santana is horrible, but nobody deserves that kind of humiliation.

The episode ends with The Troubletones’ Adele mashup. And can I say that Naya’s powerful pain-filled lead performance is nothing short of BRILLIANT? Well I’m gonna say it anyway. Fabulous.

When the number ends, a broken and paranoid Santana marches out into the audience to confront Finn. In a shocking turn, she slaps Finn in the face after catching him whispering to Rachel. Finn obviously has no idea what his little indiscretion has wrought. Kurt throws a look like he probably does. And New Directions? The Troubletones just kicked your asses. You better watch out at sectionals.

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