Girls totally ruled on this week’s Glee. But “I Kissed A Girl” wasn’t just about girl power. Several characters began the journey of dismantling the walls around their hearts.
Santana (Naya Rivera), forced out of the closet, begins the long process of self-acceptance. Coach Beiste (Dot-Marie Jones) finally has the courage to let her guard down long enough to reveal how she truly feels. And Quinn (Diana Agron) begins to realize that behaving like a psycho bitch isn’t going to heal her wounded heart. Oh, and maybe there’s somebody letting her guard down when it’s best to be keeping it up…
Plus, the McKinley and Congressional elections come to a bittersweet conclusion. This week’s Glee was solid. The Santana coming out story is realistic and well crafted. It’ll be interesting to see where Burt’s new congressional career takes him, and if Rachel and Kurt get into Nyada. And if they do get in, how will the writers ultimately keep them in Lima? Cause I’m not counting on a New York spin off. Sads.
FYI: Freeze framed Kurt’s NYADA application. Kurt Hummel and Chris Colfer were born on the same day. But 3 years apart, of course. Born on May 27, 1993–that makes Kurt 18 years old.
Can I say, upfront, that Naya Rivera continues to be F*CKING FABULOUS? She’s been given a juicy story arc and she’s acting the hell out of it. The scene with her grandma had me nearly in tears. As Santana sorts out her issues, she’s going to become kinder and gentler. But I hope she never loses her edge. Also, once again, she kills on her musical numbers. My favorite Glee girl. For reals.
The episode opens with Finn (Corey Monteith) convincing Principal Figgins (Iqbal Theba) that the slap everyone saw Santana deliver was staged and did not hurt him a bit. I dunno. Somehow, shoving students into lockers, tossing them into dumpters, locking them in porto potties, or beating the shit out of them in the hallways (The Lauren and Santana dustup last season) is a-ok, but a slap sends a student to suspensionville? Ok. Figgins does explain away the slushie sitch—the icy drinks aren’t on the list of weapons that can get a student suspended. Yeah. That explains it. So, it’s no wonder everyone buys Finn’s half-assed story.
Finn (Cory Monteith) saves Santana from suspension, but there’s a catch. She and her fellow Troubletones will have to join New Directions in the choir room for a joint homework assignment. You see, Finn has a plan to help the troubled Santana, who can’t be her awesome self if she’s hiding who she is. Finn says her evil personality is a direct result of her keeping secrets. “You hurt inside every day,” he says. For a dumb guy, Finn sure is smart.
Meanwhile, Rachel (Lea Michele) is upset at the prospect of going to New York after graduation without her “best gay”. Kurt (Chris Colfer) has just GOT to win the presidential campaign he’s waging against Brittany (Heather Morris) and Rick the Stick so he’s got something special to put on his resume. Incredible singer and performer” aren’t special enough? (Harmony and her gang, notwithstanding.)
Rachel, seemingly more concerned with how it All Affects Her, has flipped back into self-involved mode this week. Why, she hasn’t been this distraught over an election since Lambert and Allen! (Yep. She went there. Not going to speculate. Don’t even ask.)
Kurt, feeling incredibly desperate to win the election, confesses to Rachel that he’s thought of stuffing the ballot box, just like the Kennedys did in Chicago back in 1960. DON’T. PUT IDEAS INTO HER HEAD. But Kurt realizes it’s not in his character to cheat.
Next we’re in the choir room. Finn introduces the assignment “Lady Music Week”. That’s music “By Ladies, for Ladies”. Santana is horrified. Glee is about self-acceptance, says Finn, and that’s what Lady music is all about! Hm. He wants Santana to know that Glee Loves Her. Cue the music!
The adorable Blaine (Darren Criss) and Kurt kick things off with a pretty f*cking perfect version of “Perfect”, but without the fucking. Does that make sense? The only problem is that it was edited way down. Way down. And if I was being perfectly honest (and I think I will, in keeping with the episode’s theme) I would have preferred Klaine singing the song to each other, rather than to Santana who didn’t really appreciate it anyway. Her reaction was to mock Blaine’s “hideous” bow ties and his need for a “gellervention”.
At some point, I’d like to see a relationship develop between Santana, Blaine and Kurt. Kurt, in particular, is in a position to serve as a mentor to Santana, having spent the last 2 years struggling with his own issues around coming out. But even more importantly, a united front of bitchiness could be a beautiful thing to behold. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) is determined to counteract the nasty campaign ad that not only outed Santana , but also insinuated that she is a lesbian. Actually, despite the sports, short haircut and tracksuit, she likes her some mens, and wants to make sure the world knows it.
So she runs through her “booty call” list (Hilarious-includes Dan Quayle—too needy and Matt Lauer—Too much crying). And look who’s on it– Beiste’s boyfriend, football recruiter, Cooter (Eric Bruskotter). She needs him to appear in some staged photo ops with her at Breadsticks.
Beiste runs into the fake duo when she drops by to grab some take out. Cooter explains that he likes Beiste, but didn’t know where he stood with her, ever. So, he took Sue up on her offer. Cooter was sort of a jerk for stepping out on Beiste so publicly. But if she had been honest with her feelings, Cooter might have stuck around. Beiste leaves–crushed, to go home and cry in her turducken.
Puck’s (Mark Salling) contribution to the homework assignment is a super-sexy rendition of “I’m The Only One” that he was supposed to be singing to Santana. Except, he could not keep his eyes off of Shelby (Idina Menzel)—a detail that did not go unnoticed by either Rachel or Quinn.
I digress here, but was that some sort of homage to 70’s era Cher Sugar Motta (Vanessa Lengies) was sporting in the choir room scenes? Sugar was like a little hilarious sideshow all to herself. Really, do yourself a favor and allow your eye to wander to the corner of the choir room to watch her in action.
Quinn propositions Puck at his locker. Come over to my house (Mom’s at a Bible wine cruise!) and I’ll sleep with you. Without even learning her ulterior motive (she has one) Puck shoots her down, “You’re kind of nuts, higher maintenance than Berry and pretty much the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my life. Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather raw dog a beehive.” Whoa. Quinn looks dumbstruck as Puck walks away. And…if he didn’t have the hots for Shelby, he’d probably do her anyway.
Santana confronts Finn in the hall. She can’t understand his uber-interest in her affairs. Well, for starters, maybe he feels guilty for outing you? But also, he admits that he cares about the girl he lost his virginity to. He’s worried that she’ll eventually direct the anger to herself that she now directs to others. Finn says he’d never forgive himself if something happened to her and he didn’t try to intervene.
Back in the choir room, Finn lets HIS guard down to sing a totally stripped down version of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” Artie (Kevin McHale) and the boys join in. And wearing his heart on his sleeve, Finn’s fearless vulnerability finally cracks Santana’s armor. She begins to cry. And when the song is finished, she hugs him and he tells her he loves her.
The student council and congressional elections are on the same day, and happening at McKinley. With Rick the Stick out of the running due to a hockey mishap, early straw polls conducted by the creepy Jacob (Josh Sussman), have Brittany way out in front. No wonder she’s all smiles and confidence.
Kurt looks completely defeated, “I feel like a lamb waiting in line to be slaughtered.” Finn and Rachel try to comfort him, but Kurt truly believes that the difference between a life of living out his dreams or flipping burgers in Lima is completely dependent on the outcome of this election. Lessons to be learned in future episodes, I hope: Just like Finn who wasn’t recruited to play football for Ohio State, Kurt not making it into Nyada doesn’t necessarily mean the end of his dreams. But for now, to Kurt, it’s like his very life hinges on this high school election, and it’s just a little heartbreaking.
Oh, and what was up with Mercedes (Amber Riley) even CONSIDERING voting for anyone other than Kurt? The Kurt/Mercedes friendship has unfortunately been another casualty of the Glee writers’ collective amnesia. Sigh. FYI: Who votes for whom? Quinn: Brittany, Santana: Brittany, Mike: Kurt, Finn: Kurt and Puck ROSS PEROT.
Sue brings Cooter to the polls with her to engage in flagrant displays of PDA and seems to relish that it’s tearing Beiste apart. “You have to go for it,” Will and Emma (Matt Morrison & Jayma Mays) advise her. Lovelorn, Beiste launches into a gritty and affecting version of the Dolly Parton classic, “Jolene”. Although describing Sue Sylvester as “beautiful beyond compare” seems to be a bit of a stretch, no?
The campaign commercial that outs Santana has been airing on TV, giving twerpy sophomore rugby captains the nerve to insult and harass her. The girls step in to KICK SOME BUTT and when the dweeb calls them all lesbos, they just laugh and say, “So what if we are? You don’t stand a chance either way.” And that’s the cue to launch into “I Kissed a Girl”–much to the delight (and confusion—poor Rory (Damian McGinty) of the guys.
Santana reveals to the class that she came out to her parents, and they were totally cool with it. Feeling a wee bit braver, Santana gears up to come out to her Abuela—her grandmother.
After the song wraps up, Kurt is called to Figgins office, where his dad is waiting for him. President elect Hummel learns that he won the election. Yay! But something just ain’t right. There are more ballots than there are seniors, and Kurt won by a wide margin, which of course, is contrary to the results of creepy Jacob’s constant polling.
Terrified, Kurt swears he didn’t cheat, and begins to babble, “I thought about it because I wanted to win so badly,” Omg shutup Kurt! “But I didn’t cheat!” The boy is such a horrible liar; it’s pretty obvious he didn’t do it.
Out in the hallway, Kurt tells Rachel and Finn what happened. Finn is shocked. Rachel is awfully quiet. Kurt feels like his world is coming apart at the seams, “I lost the election, I lost the lead in West Side Story,” says a tearful Kurt, “I can forget about New York and NYADA, because they’ll never take me now.”
After Kurt bolts, (“I’ve got to find Blaine!”) Rachel confesses to Finn that she stuffed the ballots. She knows it was stupid and impulsive, but “I wanted to help him so bad,” she says. Finn tells Rachel she has to fess up so Kurt doesn’t get suspended. Will Rachel do the right thing? And finally learn a lesson, dammit! It’s like freaking groundhogs day with this girl.
Puck shows off his heretofore hidden math skills in class (Thanks to doing the books for his pool business: “It’s like that Beautiful Mind guy, but without the crazy.”) before getting a phone call from a hysterical Shelby. Beth is in the hospital after falling and cutting her lip. Puck plays the man, getting all up in the doctors face. He insists that a plastic surgeon sew up Beth’s lip. Shelby is so overwhelmed and grateful, that she takes Puck home and sleeps with him. She instantly realizes her mistake and asks him to leave. Puck is pissed, “You’re too much of a coward to go for it.” How about: It’s totally wrong for a teacher to sleep with her student? What’s funny? The two look practically the same age, with Mark Salling pushing 30 and all.
Santana visits her abuela (Ivonne Coll). She loves her grandma, and wants her to know who she really is. Unfortunately, abuela thinks keeping secrets is just fine and dandy, particularly when the revelation might result in gossip. “I like girls in the way I’m supposed to like boys.” Santana tells her grandma.
The reaction? Abuela kicks a devastated Santana out of her house, asking her never to return. Although I’ll never understand rejecting a loved one for any reason, I know it happens, so I’m glad that the writers are addressing that reality. And someone needs to tell abuela that nobody is is going to be gossiping about her granddaughter, because being gay or lesbian isn’t exactly a scandal these days.
A dejected Puck winds up in bed with Quinn (See. I told you). But then Quinn admits that what she wants from Puck is another baby and it pretty much harshes his buzz. Oh that’s right. The girl be crazy. “This is what happens when you have anger sex,” says Puck.
But, instead of dismissing Quinn out of hand, he realizes she’s a hurting puppy. “I let you down,” he says, “We spent a whole week helping Santana with a secret everybody already knows and not 1 person took 10 seconds to help you. And you’re a freaking mess. You have been for 3 years, ever since I knocked you up.” Guilt! Then, Puck assures Quinn that she doesn’t need a baby or a dude to be special. And what’s more, he’s sure she’ll be getting the hell out of Lima to make something of her life.
While Puck spoons (non-sexually) with Quinn, he tells her who he’s really angry at, and why.” I need to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it a secret.” Uhm Puck. Remember? Girl be batshit? Maybe you need to zip it? Oh, too late.
Burt Hummel wins the election! It’s a Dukakis level loss for Sue, who comes in 3rd with only 16% of the votes! KARMA IS A BITCH BITCH BITCH. After the results, Cooter wants to know if the relationship is still ON. At that moment, Beiste just happens to appear in Sue’s office with the very same question.
Sue’s lost so much, she wants to hang on to the best thing to happen to her since Becky Jackson waddled into her life. Finally, Beiste gets honest. She tells Cooter she loves him and she’s willing to bench press a wildebeest to win him back! She swears to Sue that she WILL not go down without a fight. OOOOH.
Back in the choir room, Kurt swallows his pride to congratulate President Brittany. “The people have spoken. And they want you Brit. They want pixie sticks.” Do I note a little sarcasm? “Rule wisely. Rule fabulously!” advises Kurt. Oh. What could have been.
Finally, Santana takes the stage to sing her song. She’s picked “Constant Craving” because it gives her strength. “The struggle continues, but at least I know I’m not alone.”
And the show ends with a montage. Santana’s choir room performance merges into Shelby walking the halls of McKinley, past Puck to a mournful Kurt looking on as his dad celebrates his congressional win to Blaine helping him send off his NYADA application. Back in the choir room, the song ends with all three voices merging, like a sweet prayer.
Enter Rachel, who reveals that she told Figgins that she stuffed the ballot box. Kurt looks horrified. She tells him not to worry, he’s in the clear. But she’s got the offense on her permanent record (Nyada won’t like that). And she’s suspended. AND SHE CAN’T COMPETE IN SECTIONALS. What’s a beleaguered show choir to do?
***
Lots of great music tonight. Cory Monteith sings a slowed up version of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”, The girls join forces on “I Kissed a Girl”, Naya Rivera and Idina Menzel sing “Constant Craving”, Mark Salling croons, “I’m the Only One”, Dot-Marie Jones sings the Dolly Parton classic “Jolene” and….Chris Colfer and Darren Criss duet on “F*cking Perfect”
Listen to Full Streams of the Songs from “I Kissed a Girl”
Download Glee:
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
I Kissed a Girl
Constant Craving
I’m the Only One
Jolene
Perfect
I Kissed A Girl – Behind the Scenes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdgc_ZR5_dU&feature=uploademail
“I Kissed a Girl”
http://youtu.be/vyJmCzyblwY
PROMO Episode 8 – Hold On To 16
http://youtu.be/q8WjvDRa2z4
