In tonight’s Glee, “The End of Twerk, the glee club learns the dance of the hour: twerking. Well, actually, the meme is past But think of it this way. It’s spring 2013 in Glee world, so the kids are actually ahead of the curve!
A video of Blaine twerking that goes viral inspires Will uses the dance to give New Directions some “edge.” Jake and Kitty help the kids get down and dirty, encouraging the wrath of principal Sue Sylvester. The Gleeks stage a protest and hilarity ensues. Unique seeks gender equality in the McKinley hall bathrooms for transgendered student.
In the meantime, Kurt and Rachel, in an act of rebellion, decide to get tattoos. When Kurt’s tat goes wrong, he returns to the parlor and comes away with more than he was expecting. Oh. Shirtless Kurt. The fans will not be denied. throw caution to the winds, deciding to get tattoos.
Listen to FULL songs from “The End of Twerk”
As talented and awesome as Jane Lynch is, her character needs to be written out of Glee. I know that’s never going to happen. But every time she’s on screen I cringe. The writers ran out of ideas for her character ages ago, and now they’re just recycling. While we’re at it, Matt Morrison needs to leave too. He makes my teeth grind. And the silly, on again off again feud between the two characters is tiresome. This episode could have been terrific if it kept the focus on Unique in Lima and Kurt and Rachel in New York.
This week, Will wants to Twerk and Sue does not. When Tina catches Blaine twerking in the choir room by himself, she captures his momentary madness on video and passes it around to their friends. Will latches on to it, figuring the dance is a way to sauce up their “America’s Sweethearts” image and lend them some edge.
Jake and Kitty lead a tutorial in twerk, with Jake prefacing the lesson with a little history of the dance. Who knew the move had so many names. Sassy booty was my fav. Tina and Ryder kind of suck at it, while Unique is a natural. And of course, as the kids get their raunch on, the evil Sue is in the rafters, fuming. Zzzz.
The kids in New York City are looking to shake things up too. Rachel tells a hair stylist that she needs a transformation. The next thing you know, she’s at Funny Girl rehearsals freaking out her director with a new bob. It’s really cute, but she’s under contract and not supposed to make any changes to her appearance. Rachel has done research! The style fits the period. She explains, without going into detail, that the past few months have been hell, and she “just needed to snap out of it.”
The director cuts off Rachel and her leading man just as they are about to get to the kiss in “I Am Woman You Are Man,” It’s a delight. Rachel and her Mr. Arnstein (Ian Gryffold) have oodles of chemistry. The director thinks so too, no longer angry at Rachel. He declares the new look to be like some sort of reverse Sampson. He’s thrilled. “You really were our Fanny up there,” he enthuses. Rachel leaves the studio, emboldened.
Back in Lima, Unique asks to be excused from Will’s history class to use the restroom. She’s caught by Bree sneaking into the girls restroom. The mean girl doesn’t buy Unique’s excuse that she walked into the wrong restroom. Unique panics, explaining that she doesn’t feel comfortable in the boys restroom and only uses the girls room during class in order not to freak anyone out. “Your secret safe with me,” promises Bree, which of course actually means “I’m going to tell everyone I know immediately.”
Cue the comic interlude as Unique explains in voice over how the chance meeting sparked “the great McKinley bathroom riot of 2013”. Bree began using the boys room to make out with Jake (Zero chance that Marley would catch them there). Stoner Brett discovered the girls bathroom was cleaner and maybe the toilet seats were heated. The girls used the boys room so they wouldn’t have to wait in line (I’ve done that. Who hasn’t?) And on and on. “It was chaos,” says Unique, as the bathrooms transform into fantasy raves. Yes. Glow sticks are involved.
Meanwhile, back in New York City, Kurt is a coach potato, watching nature shows on TV with a bucket of popcorn in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other. Rachel bursts into the apartment full of energy…and she pulls off her wig. Kurt, fooled for a second is relieved. Rachel explains that she had to rebel a little in rehearsal to shake up the director, who can be a little too specific. She eventually told him the hair was a wig. But he wasn’t mad, he loved it so much, Rachel might be able to wear it onstage. Kurt thinks Rachel is crazy for risking her job for a stunt. Rachel thinks Kurt is boring and has allowed himself to get stuck in a rut. Rachel remembers high school. when everything felt so urgent that it seemed that if “you didn’t just go for it you would lose your chance forever.” Kurt recalls that feeling as extremely stressful. Rachel wants to feel that way again. Kurt wonders if it has something to do with Finn. Rachel figures that part of her grieving process might be diving head first into things. Kurt considers this. He puts down the ice cream and takes Rachel up on her challenge. “Let’s go out and do something crazy,” he says.
Back in Lima, it’s time for a Sue’s Corner on the local TV station. And as you might expect, she rails against the twerk and Miley Cyrus. Which is interesting, because Miley’s rebellion, including twerking and swinging nekkid on a wrecking ball, didn’t begin until summer, and it’s still spring 2013 in Glee world. Sue aims to introduce a bill to legislature banning twerking in public schools.
Back in the choir room, the kids are freaking out at the prospect of having their god given freedom to twerk taken away. Like REALLY? Even weirder, when Will finds out what’s going on, he promises to lead the rebellion against that meanie Sue. I mean, what could be more important to a high school kid’s life than having the right to do a really stupid dance. An educator couldn’t possibly spend his time better.
Will, whose dumbassosity never fails to surprise me, says twerking is “blurring the lines” between tradition and envelope pushing. He name checks the “Alan Thicke song that I looove.” Artie pipes up, “That’s not what that song’s about.”
Blithely continuing on his path of obliviousness, Will leads the high school kids, some of them minors, in a rendition of the song. This is pretty weird, considering many criticize the tune for its “rapey” lyrics. He’s like the pied piper, gathering kids and leading them to the auditorium where they happily shake their butts. This is so dumb. Will might be the worst teacher ever. This reminds me a little of when Will mounted a production of “Rocky Horror” in season 2 and cast himself in the lead. INAPPROPRIATE.
Later, in Sue’s office, she reminds Will that the song “Blurred Lines” is about date rape. He scoffs. Sue is furious. Minors were involved. He says it’s about the first amendment. Freedom of expression. Erm. 99.9 percent of adults realize that the 1st amendment addresses government censorship and has nothing to do with what goes on in private enterprise. Can you imagine telling your boss at work, that an act of defiance was about the 1st amendment? How fast would your ass be out the door? Indeed, Sue fires Will on the spot (YAWN WE’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE) and he refuses to bow. He plans to appeal his dismissal AND his right to twerk to the school board.
Back in New York City (Oh, thank God), Rachel and Kurt arrive at a tattoo parlor with some nasty tasting booze Kurt’s been saving for a special occasion. They’re both nervous, but really excited too. Blaine is obsessed with Adam Levine, so he’ll be thrilled, Rachel tells a tentative Kurt. After a few swigs of nasty booze, Louis, the tattoo artist, eyes them both and asks, “Who’s first?”
The next morning, Kurt shuffles into the living area in a bathrobe, a little hung over from the booze shots. He barely remembers getting the tattoo, but when he does, he eagerly dis-robes to show Rachel his “It gets better” tattoo. Only the artist mis-spelled it as “It’s get better.” Imma gonna stop right here to mention that the Chris Colfer stans have been waging a campaign to get Kurt shirtless for ages, and the producers have finally indulged. They got shirtless Kurt from the back, side and front. Chris is thin, but chiseled. Like REALLY cut. I’m mystified that it took the producers so long to exploit his body like they do the others. Our Kurt. No longer a baby penguin.
So, yeah, Kurt is super upset when he realizes the mistake. He becomes even madder when Rachel confesses that she didn’t go through with it after she realized none of her Idols inked up. Rachel offers to go back with him to get his money back. “What I want back, I can’t get,” fumes Kurt, “my innocence, my pride, and my unblemished alabaster skin.” Indeed.
Back in Lima, Unique enters the boys bathroom between classes where she runs into some jocks who proceed to taunt her. Unique begs to be allowed to do her business and leave. One of them grabs her wig and flushes it down the toilet. Humiliated, she begins to sing “If I Were a Boy” and soon the action cuts to the choir room. This is easily the finest moment in the show. Alex Newell is a gem. Unique’s fear, longing and pain are all right there on the surface as she soars into her falsetto. The rest of the Glee club feel it too, a few of them near tears. The lights in the room come up. Jake and Ryder offer to kick some asses. But of course, that’s not a solution. It will only make the situation worse, says Unique.
Cut to the school board meeting . And in typical unrealistic fashion, the board agreed to move the meeting to the high school auditorium so Will could present to them, tableaus of dance over the ages. Actually, this is pretty cleverly done with the kids demonstrating once-scandalous dances like The Waltz, The Charleston, The Twist and THE LAMBADA. As the kids take the stage to twerk their hearts out, Will insists to the board that in 20 years, the dance will be considered silly nostalgia. He asks the board, “Do you want to be on the right side of musical history?” Because this issue is of THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE. The board members smile. The answer is obviously yes.
A victorious Will enters Sue’s office, at her behest. Unique had asked for a unisex bathroom. Sue was so moved, she decided to provide it. One problem. It’s a purple port-a-potty bolted to the choir room floor. Unique is horrified. Tina, always the butt of the joke, decides to try it and likes it. And just when I thought this plot line couldn’t get any dumber…
Back in New York, Kurt storms angrily into the tattoo parlor to read Louis the riot act. He insists the nonsensical phrase was exactly what Kurt told him to ink. Kurt insists he typed “It gets better” on the paper he handed over. But it turns out, Kurt is the one who misspelled the phrase. Whoops. The artist didn’t question Kurt, because he didn’t want to hear a story about what the tattoo means. Louis becomes philosophical, noting that Kurt doesn’t seem like the tattoo type. “I wanted to rebel and shake off my doldrums,” says Kurt. As he begins to lament taking a chance, the artist says weird stuff is gonna happen when you go off road. He shows Kurt a tattoo on his chest of a demon that looks like John Davidson, the result of a drunken night in Hong Kong when his instructions got lost in translation. The demon part came later. He insists he can fix anything and asks Kurt to give him another shot for free. He’ll even throw in a tongue piercing.
When Kurt hesitates, he says, “If you step back now, you’ll never take another risk again. You will have given up on the whole concept of going nuts.” He advises Kurt to go MORE nuts, because “that is where you’ll find the juice of life.”
Back at McKinley, Bree stops Marley in the hall. She and her mean cheerleader friends were laughing at a video of Marley twerking super awkwardly with Jake. Marley rolls her eyes and walks away. But then Bree goes for the jugular. She tells Marley that she’s been giving him more than twerking lessons. In fact, as soon as Marley refused to put out, he ran to her and she happily obliged. Marley says Jacob would never go for trash like her and Bree goes off on a feminist-jargon filled tangent about slut shaming , and how she’s going to be nice and not tell Coach Sylvester that Marley is bullying her. Bree, twisting the knife, mentions a cute little mole Jake has on his hip that he loves to have kissed. Of course, Marley wouldn’t know about that, because they never got past first base. MEAN.
Marley confronts Jake at his locker. She orders him to take down his pants so she can find the mole. She begs him to tell her that there’s no mole, that he didn’t cheat on her with HER. But she can tell by the look on his face that it’s all true. She pushes him away and in the auditorium, sings “Wrecking Ball.” The words are perfect. “All I wanted was to break your walls, all you ever did was wreck me.” Marley swings on a Miley-like wrecking ball, crashing through a fake brick wall set up on stage. Thankfully, she keeps her clothes on and no hammer licking ensues.
Back in the choir room, Unique needs to use the port-a-potty aka “the magic bathroom.” When Will sees Unique’s mortified face, he leads her to the hallway where he commiserates with her plight. She should never give up fighting for her right to be who she is. If she and likeminded folks fight the good fight, the world will come around. Or something like that. Anytime nature calls, Unique should find will, and he’ll unlock the faculty bathroom, which is a single toilet unisex deal. And of course, Sue is lurking behind a door, watching as Will allows Unique into the restroom.
Back in her office, Sue offers Will a deal. She’ll give Unique a key to the faculty bathroom if Will gives up the twerking. he refuses. Sue makes the very good point that some things are worth fighting for, but twerking is not it. Will calls what he’s doing “civil disobedience” against Sue’s repeated attempts to destroy the Glee club. When Sue informs Will the port-a-potty will stay in the choir room, he leaves, throwing a Sue Sylvester type REBELLION tantrum, i.e destroying everything in sight.
In New York, Kurt enters the loft, back from his second tattoo adventure. Rachel thinks she’s getting the silent treatment, but it’s really Kurt struggling to enunciate with a tongue piercing. Rachel is totally grossed out. Kurt pulls off his shirt (Alert: More gratuitous skin) to show Rachel how Louis fixed his tattoo. Now it says “It’s got Bette Midler.” It makes no sense. It makes perfect sense. And Kurt honestly loves it. He confesses that he was in the same boat as Rachel. Ever since Finn died he’d been going about his business in a trance. He needed to be shocked back to life. Rachel tells Kurt that she can’t think of anything she loves enough to put on her body for the next 50 years. But she lies. After Kurt goes off to skype with Blaine, and maybe get a little cyber lucky, Rachel enters the bathroom and lifts her shirt to reveal a small tattoo on the side of her torso that simply reads “Finn.” She caresses it with her finger. Sob.
Back in the choir room, Will erases “Twerk” off the white board and announces that New Direction’s twerking days are over. He decided to accept Sue’s offer, realizing that Unique’s comfort was more important than some abstract concept. The rest of the group agrees. Blaine admits the whole twerking thing wasn’t exactly the club’s style anyway. Will suggests that instead of playing against who they are the group should embrace it. It’s time for some old school Glee. What New Directions needs is a song full of optimism and hope. Blaine has something! Cut to the auditorium, where the group sings “On Our Way”. It’s the big anthemic number that will close the episode. The stage is set with a merry-go-round contraption that the kids spin on happily. Cut to New York where Kurt shows off his tattoo at the diner (one last gift to the stans) as Rachel looks on and smiles. The episode ends with the kids racing across the stage hands linked, happy happy happy. Except for Marley who walks upstage away from the rest to sing the last line, “Hold me close, we’re falling to the ground…” Jake looks on as the group, oblivious, cheer. And we’re out.
The episode centered on rebellion as a path to being fully awake and alive. Consider the stupid Sue vs Will feud, which made a joke of the theme and never rang true for even a second. Compare it to Rachel and Kurt’s storyline, which was really, in the end, about grieving for Finn. Or Unique who, if she wants to be herself, has to make every breath she takes an act of rebellion. One of these things is not like the others.
Not only should Glee move the action to New York, but like I said at the beginning of this recap, the show should get rid of the adults and focus solely on the kids as they make their way in the big city. It won’t be Glee anymore. But since Glee sucks these days, it’s not such a bad thing.
You Are Woman, I Am Man – Rachel
Blurred Lines – Will and New Directions
If I Were A Boy – Unique
On Our Way – New Directions
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