In a Variety piece about The Bachelorette being shot during a pandemic, the interviewer asks the producer if “there is a bigger investment in the characters that we didn’t have before.” So they’re no longer pretending these are real people being matched up. It only took 16 seasons to be honest about it. At least on the previous episode of Chopped, they’re admitting the $100 gold-dipped donut is just a ridiculous ingredient.
More good news for this season’s wacky reinvention: Everyone’s family offered to come out and join in the quarantine for hometown visits. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but then we recall all the families have been cooped up at home for weeks now.Meeting some clowns who want to date their daughter for a couple of weeks can’t be too bad in comparison, and the drinks are free.
“That’s such a special part of the show that we love,” the producer offers helpfully, while also failing to reveal how they can write off everyone’s travel expenses while ensuring pointless drama.
A final insight into Clare came with early meetings with her to discuss her taking on the role. The same loudmouthed producer reveals she was “really emotional” when talking about her past, as well as what she learned about herself during her time with Juan Pablo. Honey, we all learned more about ourselves by watching that clown–most importantly, not to watch reality shows while sober. Anyway, that was about six years ago, so maybe it’s time for Clare to learn to move on. Juan Pablo certainly has.
Dale impact on Clare is already taking its toll on the group. Yet as they await her arrvial for the Rose Ceremony, the guys express their enthusiasm. Aside from that one guy who complains she doesn’t act her age, which is officially “oldest Bachelorette ever.” The others question his mindlessness. He marches off to find Clare, and tell her about his disapproval. In homes across the nation, everyone starts popping corn.
The guy sits with Clare and describes his “red flags.” He bitches about losing time with his daughter to watch this woman follow a script. When she tries to agree, he shuts her up so he can go on complaining about her. In fact, he’s ashamed to be associated with her! He really put his full “asshole” into it. She rises up and dismisses him as poor father material. In fact, he’s not even good human material. So long, fella. Maybe Amy Coney Barrett will become single.
The guys are upset by this whole display and how upset it makes Clare, who is, after all, the oldest Bachelorette ever. Dale arrives to comfort her. He laughs gaily when she tells him the sent-away guy claimed everyone there was just appeasing her, but it’s pretty much the truth.
Clare must now express her despair and frustration to Chris. Is she ready to finish the cocktail party, is all he cares about. But she returns to the assembled and apologizes, suggesting they go right to the Rose Ceremony. People are apparently shocked by this development, but then again, these are guys who watch The Bachelor often enough to remember who got thrown off by Juan Pablo.
At the Rose Ceremony, several guys bemoan the loss of private moments with Clare, most of which they spend making out with her. She begins dispensing roses to Dale, Saxxy (?). Demar, and Brandon. Following them are Jordan, Joe, and Jay. Benett comes up next, along with Eazy, Ben, and Ed. Ivan comes next, followed by Ken. Finally, a single rose remains. Zac J. gets it. The rest step up to say goodbye, expressing bitterness and resentment.
The remainders toast to strength. Previews suggest anger from the other players as Dale gets all the attention from Clare. Then again, previews always suggest anger from the other players for any number of lame reasons.
Next AM, one of the guys explains for the others how abusive last night’s encounter was for Clare, not to mention the editors. Chris arrives to warn them how perilous the landscape is for everyone involved. The group date participants are named just before Clare declares her love for Dale.
A former Bachelorette appears to discuss the situation, emphasizing the Dale Factor and sharing a pair of his pants to sniff because that’s what women in love do. Clare finally arrives to cancel the group date and let them know that night what’s happening. This seems very poorly planned, but then again, they have no remote locations to show off as space filler.
Dale rushes forward to claim Clare as the first one she gets to speak to alone. He explains how some men in his life have mistreated people. Then he summarily grabs her and tosses her down on the bed to commence making out. Meanwhile, back at the room, the single date card arrives for yet another unidentified individual.
One of the other guys grow impatient and arrive to bang on the door. Dale cedes territory but with a huge Cheshire cat grin on his face. The guys keep moving in on each other, which Clare admires. Then Dale reappears, forcing out yet another guy, and things start getting nasty. Clare seems to be enjoying it, but maybe just because she’s the oldest Bachelorette.
Dale is rejected by yet another interloper. How does Clare keep them straight, aside from making out with each one? When he returns to the group, he tries to explain away his behavior. which includes mentioning going to the bathroom two times too often. They aren’t buying.
The remaining swains are distraught as Clare returns and presents the evening’s rose to Dale. She doesn’t even pretend to have to think about it. The other guys feel cast to the side without a reason, unless you count that she’s fallen hook, line, and sinker for Dale.
Nevertheless, Clare is determined to pay close attention to this guy she’s having a spa day with the next day. He admits he’s high-strung so this is not the best date for him. Clare notices his pent-up energy, and wishes Dale were there instead. The other guys hang out in the La Quinta pool and discuss Clare and Dale.
Meanwhile, Clare goes to kiss her date and stops before they make lip contact. This upsets the poor shmuck, who tries to insist he wanted to kiss her. She resents him trying to force a discussion of the issue, so he’s a goner. Chris shows up to tell him Clare”s not going to meet him for dinner. He’s upset to be going home, but should actually be grateful. Clare is not only the oldest Bachelorette, she’s the weirdest.
Next morning, the group daters join Clare. They’re all grateful Dale is not among them. Margaret Cho is going to teach them to roast each other. “I love to laugh and have a good time,” Clare says humorlessly. All the guys go after Dale, which doesn’t exactly prove her wrong since none of their jokes are funny. Afterwards, she angrily insists you can’t hate on love. Hasn’t she seen any other seasons? I’ve got a whole bunch of posts that hate on love numerous times.
Has this incident proven Clare’s love for Dale? We have just ten minutes left to round things up. Eazy confronts Dale about thinking about how his behavior affects other people’s feelings.
At the after-party, Clare confronts Bennett about going after Dale so hard. She won’t let the conversation end, though he tries. The other men laugh gaily at the rotten things the others said about Dale. But Clare won’t let it die. She’s not only the oldest Bachelorette, she’s the most obsessed.
The guys are concerned about her fixation with Dale. When she returns to the group, she tells them she can’t give up rose for one of them, and will see them at the next Rose Ceremony. She awards herself the rose. She’s not only the oldest Bachelorette, she’s the worst one ever.
Next week, everyone’s in a bad mood. Let’s hope it’s not reflective of the Presidential election.
