DeeDee's Denver CO Recap

American Idols Get High (Denver recap)

New Mexico is a wasteland for concerts, so it was off to Denver to experience American Idol in the proverbial flesh. Sadly, we were catching the tour's caboose, which meant that while it ran like a well oiled machine, it was also definitely mechanical. As we walked into the hoooooooge stadium, my friend pointed out the cheesy factor began at the door, with the giant poptart logo machines. (Ate poptart. gagged. No wonder they tell you to eat them frozen. It's really better not to taste them at all due to an iced tongue).

Mandisa, as everyone knows, began with the first of about seventy five references to our "pride in our hometown hunk, Ace."  Now among the things that Colorado is proud of could include the Rocky Mountains, hiking trails, an Olympic Training Center, and moderate home prices. Ace, well, he's the sort of guy you see around Boulder waiting for his hackysack to get resewn. Anyway, Mandisa's glitter eyes kind of frightened me, and she's a generic faux-gospel singer. She sang her "I want me a man" song to Ryan, Ace's brother, which I enjoyed about as much as the pop tart, and she made sure to shoehorn in the fact that God loves each and every (straight) one of us, and there's a plan for all of us. This always makes me think of Heaven as a big MapQuest site, but thanks Mandisa. I guess.

Singing: B-
Stage Presence: B

She throws it to our "hometown hunk" Ace. In full disclosure, let me say as a red blooded American female, I do not find Ace in the least attractive. (See: Hacksacker, Boulder). He wore ripped sleeves on his Bronco jersey (at first I thought it said BO, which made me giggle. He does seem very sweet, but he's the Anthony Federov of the season and I feel his minutes are ticking away. As a singer? Not so much. That heart thump thing was beeezare, and ending on his knees on Father Figure just made us laugh and laugh. I never ever thought I would miss George Michael though, so there's that. He didn't get the kind of screams that I thought he would. He was the first of the night to shout "How's it going, Denver!" but he would not be the last. (We're doing fine, I suppose, due to moderate home prices). The other theme of the night:  it's high here. It's really high. Yes, you see that's why they call it the Mile High City. Moving on...Ace brought the meh. And the waving at people is annoying. I turned to my friend and coined a phrase:  if they suck on the show, they suck worse live. She agreed with me.

Singing: B-
Presence: C+

Lisa. What is there to say about Lisa? She's pretty. She's sweet. She needs a bra. She's an okay piano player, but she reminded me of a beauty pageant contestant. I wasn't grooving on her. She had so little presence I forgot I was watching her, while I was watching her.

Singing: C+
Presence: C-

Happily, I was impressed with Paris. She was the first to have a commanding presence on stage, I could see her as a star - and I can't say that about too many of them. I didn't think she was much of a dancer, but she was extremely entertaining to watch. My only quibble is that her lower range sounds placed and unnatural. Make it work, Paris.

Singing: B
Presence: A-

Then a wormhole in space appeared named Bucky. Mama don't let your babies grow up to be faux cowboy singers. K? I had thought he was cute as a button on the show, but in person - he made Lisa look animated. He also said that Colorado was the "beautifulest place he'd ever been." I wondered if on his road trip up to Boulder with the others he'd hit the many many brew pubs.

Singing: C-
Presence: D

The duet with Kellie was so awkward, I would almost conjecture the two had once had a drunken one night stand. Kellie - sorry Kellie fans, but it must be said - Kellie cannot sing. Her patter was stupid and annoying. Her hair extensions were painful. She moved around the stage like a bear forced to walk on two legs. She was, in short, awful. I think she belongs on the View, or any other show where chattering away about nothing in a regional accent is deemed entertainment.

Singing: D
Presence: D

Interminable Intermission. We went down to the restroom, and ran into a Denver! VIP! - the bestest friend of the girl Ace lost his virginity to back in high school. She couldn't stop talking about how she's known Ace forever, and he's a nice guy, but he used to sing Father Figure like that to his girlfriend (eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww) and he had a contract and she was going to the after party and and and and.  Pretty, pretty girl but so vapid you could look through her eyes right out the other end. In her tiny black miniskirt, pointy Fendi boots, matching purse, and Paris Hilton colored hair, I wondered if Taylor got lucky at the after party. But I digress.

DAUGHTRY! He is the King of Pain apparently, because he gripped his mike and cracked not a smile. With Chris, what can you say?  If you like him, you like him. Behind me, a guy said loudly: you should have won! as if Chris could magically hear and be comforted. In my opinion, the Daughtry has a great voice, but no spark. He reminds me of Mark Wahlberg, when they bring him in to replace the lead singer in Rock Star (the movie).

Singing: A-
Presence: C+

Patience sounded pretty. It sort of makes sense that combining four mediocre singers works better than solo. (See: Degrees, 98). They milked it though.

Elliot has a nice voice, but again my opinion:  he was born to be a back up singer. He's endearing the way my dog is endearing after I've toweled him off from a bath, which is to say disheveled. I've tried to care about Elliot, but I just don't. He's a member of my tribe, and he looks like everyone I went to high school with and I was supposed to marry to make my mother happy. But dang, I just don't feel him when he sings. So shoot me.

Singing: A-
Presence: C-

Kat is pretty. I like her haircut. As a performer, she's everything I thought she would be. Which is to say, awash in self adoration with cutesy smiles and big notes. Her stagecraft consists of shaking her (considerable) booty every few minutes. She gives nothing to the audience, she's in her bubble. By the way, she's kind of skinny. I frankly think she's a snooze, and more of a beauty pageant contestant than Lisa. I see her on the WB and very soon. Too bad, because I won't be able to avoid her as easily. Hopefully, they won't cast her on Veronica Mars. At this point, I was completely bored with everyone's stage patter. Yeah, yeah, your parents had sex in Denver. So has Ace. Evs.

Singing: B+
Presence: C+

Taylor. Objectively, the most presence. He fills the stage. His voice though is raw at this point, and I think he's over singing the same shite in every city. Now I know there's discussion over whether he's the next big thing or a flash in the pan. My opinion is that it can go either way. He's got an interesting quality I think will serve him. On the other hand, I don't have a great sense of other blues artists out there. On the AI stage, he's the real thing. Out in the world: well, we all know what happened to the other real thing - Mr. Bo Bice. I liked him best though.

Singing: A-
Presence: A+

Once again, don't eat the poptart. Blech.